


Eternal

by nefarious_irusu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, One Shot, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 05:52:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18046742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarious_irusu/pseuds/nefarious_irusu
Summary: “I don't know how to make it stop, but I'll try, okay?”Oops, I'm projecting again.





	Eternal

“Fuck.”

Yuri froze with his hand still on the locker room door, unsure of how to proceed. He had just wanted to fill his water bottle- but of course, his timing was impeccable.

Yuuri stood with his back against the lockers, both hands balled into tight fists on either side of his body. His breath was coming in short, shallow spurts. He trembled so ferociously that the lockers shook with him, the metallic sound ringing in Yuri's ears.

“Fuck,” he repeated as he and Yuuri locked eyes.

Yuuri attempted to speak, but only succeeded in sputtering incoherently and sliding down the row of lockers, onto the floor.

“Are you…” Yuri let the locker room door leave his hand, falling shut behind him as he took a hesitant step. “Is this an anxiety attack or something?”

Yuuri nodded, gasping and fisting his hair in both his hands. He rocked back and forth, his back hitting the lockers with a firm _thud_ every other second.

“Where's Viktor?” Yuri tried to keep the bite from his voice, speaking softly. Yuuri was already freaking out- he didn't want to make it worse. 

Yuuri shrugged in response, emitting a soft whine.

Yuri finally closed the distance between them, kneeling down next to Yuuri. “Watch your head,” he murmured, reaching for Yuuri's fisted hands. They were still pulling at his hair. “That isn't going to help anything.”

Yuuri's eyes were watering when he looked up, his hands trembling inside of Yuri's. His voice sounded just as broken as he looked- “I'm scared.”

“I know,” Yuri answered evenly, though the vulnerable look on Yuuri's face made his throat tight. “I'm here, okay?”

Yuuri nodded, but he didn't look convinced that Yuri's presence would help. Yuri dropped his hands in favor of moving closer, and wrapping his arms around Yuuri's shoulders. Yuuri eagerly clung to him, burying his face in Yuri's shirt.

“I don't know how to make it stop, but I'll try, okay?”

Yuuri nodded against Yuri's chest, his breaths heaving. “I'm a burden,” he whispered.

The words cut down to Yuri's core, for all the times he'd thought them about himself. “No,” he assured Yuuri. “You're not a burden.”

“I'm keeping you from practice,” Yuuri countered, shaking in Yuri's arms.

“Shh,” Yuri murmured, because he didn't know how to respond. He brought a hand up to Yuuri's hair, stroking it evenly. “You're always there for me,” he finally reasoned. “Let me be there for you.”

“Everything is just too much right now,” Yuuri confined. “And my head is so loud. It's so loud.”

“What's it saying?” Yuri asked.

“That I'm not good enough, I'll never be good enough. That I don't deserve to be training here, or be with Viktor. That I don't deserve to be alive.”

Yuri swallowed, pulling Yuuri impossibly closer. “You deserve all those things,” he whispered. 

Yuuri shook his head, fisting the front of Yuri's shirt. “I don't,” he croaked.

“Were you…” Yuri chose his words carefully, though they were barely audible. “Were you gonna hurt yourself?”

Yuuri stiffened against him, his breaths stilling for a moment. “N-no,” he finally answered.

“Yuuri,” he tried again, desperate enough to use his real name instead of “Katsudon” for emphasis. “Be honest with me.”

“I was trying really hard to push those thoughts away.”

Yuri sighed, nodding. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I'll try and help you push them away,” he added.

“It's so hard.”

“I know,” Yuri murmured. He did; he knew all too well. “You're so strong though. You'll get through this.”

“I'm weak, Yuri. You know I'm weak.”

Yuri shook his head, swallowing the lump that had become solid in his throat. It wouldn't go down. “I used to think you were weak,” he admitted. “But now that I know you better, I know that you're strong. You're one of the strongest people I know.”

Yuuri sniffled. “It doesn't feel like it.”

“You'll just have to believe me, then.”

Yuuri nodded, his grip on Yuri's shirt loosening a bit. “I'll try.”

Yuri's hand was starting to ache and cramp as it carded through Yuuri's hair, but he didn't stop. “You don't have to deal with everything all on your own.”

“I feel like a burden when I ask for help.”

“You aren't a burden,” Yuri told him again. “Am I a burden, when my depression gets the best of me and I need your help?”

Yuuri shook his head, almost indignant. “Of course not.”

“Then why would you be a burden for your anxiety? It's a two way street.”

Yuuri sighed, nuzzling against Yuri's shoulder. “Deep inside I know that… my head just likes to lie to me when I'm feeling this way.”

“I know,” Yuri whispered. “You can come to me, you know,” he added, trying to keep the hurt from his tone.

“It's hard to ask for help.”

Yuri nodded. “I get it,” he agreed. It seemed like the worst of Yuuri's attack had passed, and Yuri could feel exhaustion in the way Yuuri leaned against him. “You want to stay here for a bit?” He offered.

Yuuri nodded slowly, reaching for Yuri's hand and threading their fingers together. “Just for a little bit,” he whispered. 

Yuri would stay like that for an eternity if it was what Yuuri needed.


End file.
